I am really clueless what to write in this blog. I haven’t felt much of anything lately, and I feel uninspired to write. School work has taken its toll on me. Before I even started college, I worked on a fictional story about one of my favorite games. I posted it online on a very popular fan fiction (a story based on a game, book, cartoon, ect. that is for pure amusement only) website in order to receive feedback. To my surprise, I received a lot of wonderful comments about it. It was pleasing to see people read it with much interest and demand for more. I used to work on it diligently, but lately I just don’t feel like writing. It seems all of my creativity is just seeping out through my pores. I have stopped drawing and painting as well which was once one of my favorite hobbies. It seems like all I have been doing lately is schoolwork, going to church, and breathing. I want the feeling that I used to have. I want the feeling of overwhelming creativity so strong that it would seep out of my aura.

Just last weekend, I went to a well known animation convention that was held at the Cobb Galleria. I was so ecstatic on going, so ready to see all of the wonderful surprises that it had to offer. Being a dedicated fan of animation, I actually bought an outfit that was exactly the same as one of my favorite video game characters. When I walked in the place, I could immediately feel the energy and excitement that all of the people had. Everybody was joyful and I could feel all of the enthusiasm that everyone had radiating out of this place. People were in cosplay (dressing as one’s favorite character) and waiting for all of the activities to start.

After a couple of hours, I went down to the artist’s gallery and viewed all of the artwork of people. Many of them were beautiful pieces of work. Just a glimpse of these drawings and paintings made me want to create my own masterpieces as well. Of course that feeling disappeared once again when I went back to school on Monday. Even though it was just for a mere moment, it was absolute bliss to have that feeling again. I had such a great time at the convention. The only thing that went wrong was when someone shamelessly stole my camera. It was a graduation gift and a rather costly camera. It held many memories of the places I have traveled with it. I had the camera on a wrist strap attached to my belt. Apparently when I was browsing around, someone took a pair of scissors and snipped it right off of my belt. It’s shocking to think that someone can so boldly take something that belongs to another. When I realized that my camera was gone, I was filled with rage and depression. Everyone that I saw there seemed so pleasant on the outside, but people can hide their true nature with a fake smile. How can people be so hypocritical?

It reminded me of a time back when school was once a terrible place. It was back when I was in middle school. My parents wanted me to be in an environment that could induce a positive influence. So they sent me to a Christian private school until I reached high school. All was fine until I moved to Cumberland Christian Academy. That school was torture. As you all know, every school is full of cliques whether it’s the “popular people”, “nerds”, “goths”, ect. Well, in that school, it was either you had friends or you didn’t. If a new person came that was shy and didn’t talk to anyone the first week, they were automatically dubbed as a loner. I, being an introvert when exposed to new people, was automatically an outcast. The people that were supposed to be God-fearing “Christians” didn’t even bother trying to get to know me. They would shout and cry “Amen!” when we would have our weekly sermon. They would pray and cry out to God that they wanted to be good people and do good deeds. They wanted to make a difference in the world and meet new people. Every week, I would watch with disgust at their “holy” performance. They were so hypocritical that I wanted to retch with repulsion. Seeing that they claimed to be “Godly” made me laugh. They didn’t even bother to waste one minute of their “holy” lives to get to know me, but they would shout for hours to God every week. After our sermon was done, they would go back to their groups and gossip. How pitiful. I was just a ghost at that school. A nobody that only existed just to poke fun at. That is when my hatred of people took its root.

I was made fun because I had the love to read books and play video games. People mercilessly taunted me for liking animation and comics. I was mocked for wanting to strive to get the better grade. I shut myself from the social world and only lived in my own fantasy. I was petrified to go to high school if it was going to be like this. I begged my parents to send me to a public high school and I received my wish. I was so happy when my first day of high school came around and people actually talked to me. I was no longer a ghost. People knew that I existed. I was a person that people could talk and laugh with and I found a wonderful best friend to talk to. I feel as though I can tell her everything and anything.

I am so relieved that I go to a church that teaches the truth. When I look at some people that claim to be born again but see their ways that contradict what they think, I pity them. I still have a hatred of people. But I will never be quick to judge like my old classmates did to me. Once a person destroys my trust, it can never be earned back. I detest and loathe hypocrites. The only forgiveness that they received is when Jesus forgave them of their sins when he died on the cross. I don’t think I could ever forgive the ones who ruthlessly sneered at me for so long. A scar that they left that will take years to mend.